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Adult seeking hot sex Warthen Georgia Everyday w4m I hate this time of year. Everything seeknig blown out of proportion and I dread it every year.

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Part of me continuously hears that holidays are for family, I don't know where I fit in. Where is my family?

Is my family the ex-husband kids and grandkids? My parents and sibling? My boyfriend?

How is a person to know? For me the angst starts around halloween, a couple Sex senior lady seeking Saint Helena before, then it doesn't end until after the senoor year. Around SSaint I like to take the kids to haunted houses, I Bbw dating Great Bircham to go out trick or treating and watch the little ones run around Then comes the downward slide where I feel I have to "save the day" by getting everyone just the right thing so no one gets dissappointed, I dread it every year I get meloncholy, I get needy, I get weird for lack of a better term I constantly feel like a square peg in a round world.

I get tired of the everyday, but part of me craves the monotony.

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I crave a schedule but don't at the same time. You say I don't share, I don't put myself out there. There is a reason behind that I have been hurt too many times in the past, I have learned that the less people know about me the less they have to work with when it comes time to back-stab me or break up or just get mad. I have told you before I suck up negativity like a sponge, and it takes me forever to get over it. People have complained in the past that I always remember the bad things, not the good ones, I have tried to change that, but it evades me.

I probably don't have the right social skills ingrained in me to identify with the majority of the population. I didn't have many friends in school, and none that carried on to my adult life. Most of my school days I spent off time hiding in the library or kitchen at the school, either writing information down out of encyclopias or helping the lunch ladies with the dishes Simply because I didn't want to be ridiculed by my peers. Which Sex senior lady seeking Saint Helena the way was a daily occurence.

There is a reason Sex senior lady seeking Saint Helena am the way I am. No one seems to understand that, partially Sex senior lady seeking Saint Helena I think they don't want to and partially because I won't let them.

I try to keep a barrier, so I don't get hurt, I always do, so its not much help I try to think of the other person and put their feeling first, which is why I don't like to yell or argue. I take the blame on Fuck my wife and chicago lot of things. I am tough enough to handle a lot of things.

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You said I am selfish, I never have grasped the concept of those words It seems everyone always has to read into things, find the hidden meaning or make things into something they are not. I usually just say Sex senior lady seeking Saint Helena outright. You say I play victim, maybe thats how it comes across, but maybe your reading into things again. Maybe the words Seking say are what I actually mean and feel.

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Thats why there is so much I don't understand about the way people work. When I say I want to curl Sex senior lady seeking Saint Helena in a ball and dissappear, I actually mean it, most don't. Most people I think want someone to feel sorry for them, tell them its going to be okay I actually literally want to run away, go somewhere and just be. I do not cry out for sympathy.

I want to be selfish sometimes, just forget other people exist, just worry about myself I can't do it I have tried The only way I can shut off my feeling completely and it only lasts for awhile is to get raging drunk to where I just don't care.

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Then it always comes back and gets me two fold for days and weeks and months on end. I beat myself up over being mean and ous. I am sorry I am such a confusing person to deal with. It's confusing for me as well. I want to love, I want to be loved, I want the security of having a person that will always be there for me. I just don't know how to modify myself to make it fit.

I probably have severe mental issues and probably need years of counseling. I more than likely have things about my past that haunt me that Sex senior lady seeking Saint Helena never been resolved. I probably don't know myself which causes me to not identify with others on a level that is understandable.

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